Todays bounty and re-using materials

I just love every day going out to collect the eggs and wondering what we will have for dinner and finding a bounty of food in the garden to add to the meal! Tonight we are having lamb and fetta rissoles, corn and salad and I was able to collect some eggs, a daily thing but eventually they will get used as last night we had an omelette and ate 22 eggs in one meal! Some lettuce and my first although small very tasty cucumber an onion still left over form the huge crop I had in Spring and a zucchini to grate for the rissoles. I am loving that it's all organic I find my home grown food so tasty and it's a wonderful cycle, what we don't eat is fed to the chooks, the chook manure is added to the compost which is then used back on the veggie garden! Bliss!!!

Also a project we start and finished just prior to Christmas day was to hire a large shredder and attempt to regain some usable land from the overhanging trees next door and prune many of our own trees. It took us the entire day and we ended up with a massive pile of mulch to use back on the garden, I used this one one garden bed that was pretty much not used anymore, added some solar lights that by all accounts is amazing they are still there usually the dogs have "remodelled" and moved them by now, we also used wood for the boundaries that were once parts of the old patio that needed to be orn down we made 2 new garden beds near the patio and I had 2 Camellias that were dying in pots from lack of nutrition, they really needed to be re potted and I though last attempt at life I shall plant them in the ground and pray to the Gods the dogs don't chew them!! I am so happy with the look of the beds they good fantastic!

We also re-found a path that we had put in way back 14 years ago, we laid this path from old, old bricks we found out the front, it had been an original path and we stored the bricks and then used out the back , and eventually they all became covered in soil. After sweeping them back - my eldest son's job and he did do this brilliantly I might add we added more mulch to the 4 quadrants, and in one picture you will see there some bushy shrubs I ended up removing all that after Christmas giving us more room and will add more of the mulch to that as we still have quiet a large pile of it.

I really wish I had taken before and after pics, some were taken mid working bee, but we were madly trying to get it to a state of neatness prior to Christmas day and I was a bit time short.

In the middle of all the work I suddenly decided I had a use for my old I believe it was a bullock ring? Anyone who knows different please tell me as I could be incorrect but I found this on a friends farm and they really did think it was rubbish!! I saved it much to Kens disgust and it's now a sculpture in my front garden. I have since added a bird bath behind it so it looks a little different now, but I just love re-using rusty pieces of metal, I wish I was more artistic and could really make things look beautiful but I am rather happy with this piece and where I have placed it.

School holidays and the kids!

Well it certainly does seem to be a remarkable long batch of school holidays we are having this year! It's only mid January and were all stir crazy already! Ken has taken the boys on an overnight trip to the bush for camping, there was a lake there so they were able to take the kayaks. We have 2 aduly kayaks and a kids one, Rylan at 8 is finally ready to be able to use the kids one, and Jordan is perfectly capable of using the adult one.

Today I was especially challenged as yesterday we hired a small digger to improve the drainage outside and unfortunelty it rained all day! this resulted in pretty much half the backyard being turned into a slushy mudpit and the entire driveway is no longer granite sand for that quaint cottage look but rather looked like a mud wrestling ring. A really large one!

Anyway 3 young boys stuck in the house today after days of non stop rain and now even when it does stop whilst they would be happy to play in the mud and trust me it was the first place they headed yesterday I am however not as keen!

So today we decided to find some indoor activities and this is what we came up with making crystals, constructing a volcano, painting wrapping paper, painting some small canvases and cooking.

The boys had these volcano and crystal kits from a few Christmas past! We had never gotten around to it, they definately took my time toowhich was fine although I was hoping for a little more time to get stuck into my tax it did give me enough time to do some Centrelink paperwork while they came in asking me various questions. I found the Crystals kit was particularly useful for teaching Jordan a few things about fractions and measurements.
Unfortunely I had some involement with the volcano making and set the vault par in the middle incorrectly which means no pouring bi carb and vinegar wo get the lava, however Rylan took it in his stride and said "no problem we shall still paint it and call it a sculpture" I could possibly drill a hole through the top bit and make it work but I am pleased he took it so well!

Some other activities that have kept us busy over the holidays have been;

Visiting the Library - they always like re-newing their books plus the libary has a gameboy - we don't!
A trip to the Botanical Gardens - we also went and had a look at the Robert Clark Centre which has a different arranged flower theme each season;

http://www.ballarat.com/botanicgardens/gardens/thecon.htm

A play at the Lake, they have an awesome playground and fantastic seats to sit at and catch up on reading!

We also had a picnic at the garens and the boys took their cricket set.

Lego that rocks!!

A ride on the Mountain bikes - we all have Mountain bikes and finally this year at pretty much the same age as the other boys Kyan has removed his training wheels! So he is totally free as to where he can ride and is a brilliant little rider! Keeps up and never complains that the trips is too far. We often go to the Eureka play group which is an all off road trip along the old railway line track or along Nerinna Wetlands.

http://www.melbourneplaygrounds.com.au/melbourneplaygrounds-info.php?id=22476

http://www.wendoureebreakfast.org.au/index.php/projects/nerrina-wetlands

Sometimes we just have days in the garden, I potter and they play but goodness that has been a challenge of late with all this rain. I have to say I have enjoyed the sleep ins on these holidays but the 3 boys are a hugely energetic and noisy and full on so my best tactic is to keep them as busy as possible!!! We have also been to the movies but this really is a rare event i
t's costly although we sneak our own food in as a family it's still a good $60 to even get into the movie!

Ken will soon be on holidays and we are looking foward to a small trip to Maldon and some camping at Beaufort!

2011 Resolutions

OK after the last morbid post I have some positive thinking to do!

This year I plan to lose 15 kgs and go from 73 kgs to 58 kgs by October 2011

I was thinking in going in the BAD ride Ballarat Autumn day ride I may but now I have seen it's 60 km I may rethink that little goal!!

I will run in 3 fun runs this Spring.

Start Kayaking again.

Go on dates with my husband again during school hours and possibly look into a babysitter for the odd evening movie too!

I will dedicate more time to doing one on one things with my children.

I will play with my children more and exercise with them we had a treasure hunt the other day it was awesome!

I am going to re start up Fernwood membership and Yoga.

I will spiritually read as many BK books as possible and try and implement what they teach me. Also try and complete the Brahma Kumaris Foundation Course.

I will regularly go to Linda - my BK friends meditation groups.

Meditate twice a day every single day!

I will have moments where I just sit on a banana lounge and doze after Ive looked at the sky for a bit, god I enjoyed that pre kids!

February I will start the marketing process for my Massage business again and commit to 3 days a week working part time.

We will camp 4 times a year.

I will turn 39+2!!! and this time I shall celebrate it!!

I shall possibly sign the documents needed with Ken having the snip so I never need worry about pregnancy again. That might not happen until December though!

I will garden a little more often and complete a garden bed where I have just removed all half dead bushes and weeds. It will be planted with Pittosporum for privacy and screening and a big standard Robinia (Mop Top) as eventually this area will be my meditation place once the boys stop using my meditation outdoor room (their fort)lol.

I will stop being so angry and start to accept.

I will slowly resume friendships that suffered during the past 12 months and hopefully they will still be there and I will make new friends too.

Have a great new year everyone!

The end of 2010

I sit here typing this in confusion as to why I feel so sad as 2010 was a terrible year for me really I should be so happy on this December 31 that it is all over!. I realise that this time last year about to see 2009 to an end I was also pregnant and by NYD I had well and truely started to miscarry I lost 3 of the babies on public holidays and 1 very close to cup day.

I feel like my whole life will be over next year as I enter a time for the first time in 12 years that I no longer have any children at home. I gave up a entire era breastfeeding for a baby that didn't want to stay and ended a beautiful breastfeeding relationship with Kyan abruptly because of it.

I know that I am not a good person because surely a good person wouldn't have to endure bouts of severe deppression so often and lose babies so frequently? Or probably yell at her kids as much as I am prone to lately.

I was so settled after loss no 4 we would have no more I would have all kids at school 2011 and I would try so many new things we would get a part of our old life back. The last pregnancy unexpected No 5 came at a time I was going through a severe depression, I was suicidal and the baby saved me really, and I truely believe that, but oh I was so anxious and a part of me didn't want to have another baby,I was 40 that had been my cut off date! I felt so awful at feeling sick, my husband dreaded trying to provide for 4 children and eventually around the 7 week mark we finally came to some sort of peace and accepted this baby only to be told 2 weeks later at 9 weeks it's little heart that had been beating had stopped.

From this miscarriage I will lost friends I cannot relate to so many people on so many levels now. After breastfeeding for a total of over 9 years it all ailien to me now, it hurts too much to see people feeding. I can't be around pregnant ladies or listen to people tales of their babies anymore and it's cut off entire circles of friends.

I really thought going through all this my baby came and died to tell me I can do this and live life without medication I can be "normal" but I unsure that I can. I spend 80% angry at the world and when not angry I am so sad I cry. I have no idea what is grief and what is depression.

Last time I grieved this badly was for my mother when she died, I denied the feeling by refusing to eat and lost a massive amount of weight this time I stuff those feeling in with as much food as I can as fast as possible so now have big battle to get to a normal weight again too.

I don't know who I am anymore or how I find out who I really was, it all just feels like a terrible grief and saddness. i don't know how to move on from this at all.

So in brief 2010 I lost 2 babies
I had a severe bout of depression
I ran a mini marathon
I joined a Fernwood and almost felt accepted as a normal person
I gave up breastfeeing
I bonded with Jordan my eldest son for the second time.
I let go of Kyan and accept that he will be ok at school next year

Now I think I will start another thread for my 2011 plans.

Summer in the garden.

I have been busy in the veggie garden harvesting all the silverbeet which was starting to go to seed, I gave most of it to the rabbits and chooks we had eaten all the good stuff, also removed all the onions and got a beautiful crop of large red onions and a smaller not so successful lot of white onions.

I have usually just give the beds a turn and add a few buckets of compost for the next lot of crops. Am putting celery, some more lettuce and coriander in the two vacated beds.

Also brought a Rosella plant which I had not heard of but apparently its very high in Vit C, I will plant it near my Jostaberry, really hoping all these unusual plants don't need another plant to bear fruit as Ive only brought 1 of each!! My Elderberry is doing really well and I can either see the beginning of berries or its flowering.

My kiwi fruit plants of which I know I do need male and female have grown a good 2 metres in height since Spring, amazing can't wait to get some fruit!

The potatoes which Rylan planted this year have really grown well above ground I can't wait to see how many potatoes are growing under ground.

I was given free a ton of sunflower seeds and pretty much planted the lot in the sunhouse and everyone has sprouted so I need a ton of space to plant a big lot of sunflower plants! I am thinking of just putting them all along the front fence just to get rid of them rather than making a new bed for them although I suppose I could just use one of the beds in the veggie garden. Will see what I decide and update you later.

The other week I added some fish emulsion to the veggies and the lettuce is now pretty much ready to eat and looking so healthy and the corn has shot up! My cucumbers are really slow again I am beginning to think I have a black thumb with cucumber, perhaps its just not getting quiet enough sun.

With the animals I have a Hamburg chicken sitting on 3 eggs, there were 8 but upon candling the eggs only 3 were viable so the others got removed. They should hatch within the next 2 weeks I imagine. I wasn't really wanting anymore chickens this year as the limit of 20 per property in Ballarat had changed during the time I have owned property here and its now 6 per block and I am sitting on 15 chickens! I did have one death of one of the old girls and a Barnevelder over the past 8 weeks, but I didn't really wish to replace at this stage so will probably advertise and sell the babies.

Sian and her babies are doing fantastically well, the babies are just gorgeous, I have new homes for nearly all of them now which is lovely, still have not decided which one I will be keeping though, such a hard decision.

New bunnies

Yesterday I took my new little Chocolate Torte doe Ambika into the Daylesford show, it was a long day and really took it out of me but I helped with the stewarding which means you get the rabbits out of the cages as the Judge requires them and your able to learn a lot of the Judges comments. I learnt how to "stack" a mini lop which was exciting! Anyway we came first in one class and second in another so that was great, I took Jordan with me and it gives him some experiences speaking with the Judge, to be honest he looks terrified the entire time, they always seem to ask him some question Ive not prepared him for.

During the week we had an exciting event with Sian my adult Seal Point Doe that lives in the house. She gave birth to 4 kits, 3 days later there is an obvious larger one who's hogging the milk but they are all looking really healthy. I have to be careful to smother my hands in Sians scent whenever handling the babies after washing them so she doesn't smell another rabbit.

She seems to know that there is a new bunny upstairs in my room and she's none too happy about it!

I have in the pipeline Ken thinking about building me a shed for the rabbits and new hutches ans the ebay ones are just rubbish and very hard to clean out. But I am very aware I don't want any rabbits too feel really closed in or have a awful life with me, whether I can fix this via lots of free time in pens on the grass I don't know but it's making me quiet hesitant to buy any more rabbits. I do also enjoy the showing but it terribly boring for the boys and even I feel the day gets longs there so I may be very limited as to when I can show and Ive also always been so against showing of all things really animals or people although I get the concept I think things should be judged on so much more than beauty or what a particular judge is looking for at the time - such as the squishy face with the mini lops.

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With last weekends beautiful weather I did make great headway in weeding the gardening and starting to get it looking somewhat tamer, although the weather got too warm at the beginning of the week so I didn't quiet finish the front garden off. I have started a new compost off for the Summer having used all the compost up nearly that I made over the Winter, I started with all the rabbits hutch contents and some soil.

I had only a small part to finish, I also added some Marigolds to to a garden bed and put wire over it so Pepa the free ranging rabbit didn't immediately eat them, he was watching us and just waiting his moment! Kyan was helping me he's such a lovely little garden helper, often I end up doing whatever he helps with over again but his heart is there and I don't remember any of the other boys wanting to help so I am enjoying the company.

Rabbit manure is so great to be put straight on the garden too and pretty much each time I clean 2 hutches out I get a wheelbarrow of straw and rabbit droppings. This year my Roses are looking awesome and better than ever thanks to this new manure.

I am really finding the garden is like a meditation for me and so peaceful - unless all 3 boys are outside with me then not quiet as peaceful, actually downright noisy!

I put some fish emulsion on the veggie garden last weekend and I cannot believe how things have shot up there too! The little lettuce seedlings planted 3 weeks ago are almost ready to be harvested!

I need to get out three and remove the silverbeet or Rainbow chard, I have given lots to neighbours but it's starting to go to seed now and I should be thinking of planting something else there.

This week I'd like to finish off all the weeding, as it's rained pretty much all yesterday and the ground will be soft and start weeding out the back, I might even lay some grass seed out the back see if it takes with all this wet soil.

I took some pictures late last week of some flowers to remind me that although the garden was a little overgrown there were still some lovely flowers out and worthy of a picture.