I managed to quit (cold turkey) for 5 days while the kids were away, I was very busy at work and managed to garden a bit when not working and ate when I wanted and minimally. I have noticed morning and afternoon tea seem mandatory when the kids are home and I don't seem to be able to resist. Then Easter weekend came and of course I had to buy them again and I have managed to eat about 15 in 3 days!
So it's time to get strict. I need to be careful with diets and this is why....
This is the largest I've been after my 2nd child
I crept to 86 kilos - I am 160 cm.....
Then 3 years later after my last child I shed the weight, I stopped eating. Completely. I got to 45 kilos and had to really struggle to eat again.my mum was dying so it was my way of dealing with the awfulness and lack of control. Eating disorders are always about control. There were two things that made me fight to eat again. One my husband cried and begged me to eat. I think I've seem him shed tears twice. The other my 8 year old eldest son told me because I wasn't eating meals he would stop too. I went to an eating disorder clinic and over 2 years became "normal". It took a long time to get what that meant, I had to be retrained and had numerous arguments with the hospital dietician. When I first met my husband at 24 years I was also in a disordered eating pattern and had been since 17 and was slightly underweight but had very bad habits and he drove me to the Austin outpatients each week for 3 months until I was well.
Fast forward to 2014 I have just hit 68 kilos, I ruined my metabolism from starving, I have bone density and dental issues. I still have my size 6 clothes, I still remember the comment from a neighbour that set me to loosing so much weight. "Face it you will never fit into your size 12 clothes again love" lol. I showed him. Funny at size 6 I thought the shops had attached the wrong labels to everything as I was surely a size 14!
So this week I am looking I to healthy eating, I am committing to exercise, I do ride a lot, swim twice a week and try to do some weights occasionally but work gets busy and I put it all last. I get very tired. I'm exhausted actually most of the time and I know realistically exercising will make me feel so much better!
I know I eat to excess to cope with my kids. One is a teen, one a little challenging and the youngest is really precocious! Whenever they fight I hide and eat. It's not good so I shall take a deep breath and manage a different way.
So I am blogging about it to make myself accountable. I'm pledging to get to 60 kgs by October. I want to walk further, commit to eating more fruit, less fat no cakes and the teensiest slice of chocolate occasionally.
Who can encourage me help me along or wants to join me? I don't really want focus on food or exercising to excess I've done that before it's boring, time consuming and not that healthy. I want balance, I want health, I want to feel good.